


kisses and courage

by xxcaribbean



Category: One Direction (Band), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Sexual Content, Smut, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 17:14:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxcaribbean/pseuds/xxcaribbean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>they're just slips of paper that bare his heart to the one person he can't bring himself to be honest with until ultimately he has no other choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	kisses and courage

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://hazzasweet.tumblr.com)

It’s probably the stupidest, corniest shit Liam’s ever done, but it’s too late to back out now because as he watches Zayn pick up the Hershey’s chocolate kiss with a little white slip of paper attached to it, a small rubber band keeping it in place, he knows he’s sealed his fate.

Zayn’s brow furrows in confusion, and Liam watches him carefully, enough so that he won’t get caught staring because if anyone can read him like a book, its Zayn.

Careful fingers untie the paper from the little piece of chocolate and the dips and curves of Zayn’s face rearrange themselves into a new pattern, one of smooth surprise.

And Liam waits on baited breath.

The paper is eventually pocketed into the front of Zayn’s jeans after a few mere moments and then the candy is unwrapped and placed upon his tongue, where he sucks at the chocolate with his mouth, and maybe, Liam thinks, this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

x.x.x.x

The next time it happens, it’s when they’re sharing a room. It’s tragically risky, more so than the first time because Liam thinks it’s pretty obvious who would be giving Zayn random little chocolates with love notes attached to them.

But either Zayn’s completely oblivious, or he’s trying to do Liam a favor by not bringing it up at all.

“These are good,” Zayn says as his tongue curls around the kiss. Liam tries hard not to swallow but has to lick his lips and force himself not to concentrate on the way that the other lads cheeks hollow every so often.

“And where are you getting them?” Liam asks. He knows. He knows.

Zayn shrugs. “No idea, really.”

That doesn’t sooth Liam’s heart whatsoever.

“So you’re just eating random chocolate?”

Zayn looks thoughtful for a moment but smiles. “I highly doubt someone who’s trying to woo me is going to poison them. It’s chocolate, Liam, who doesn’t like it?”

Liam tries not to feel bitter.

Zayn knows, but he doesn’t know.

It isn’t fair, and Liam’s a coward.

x.x.x.x

“Where’d you get that?”

“Dunno.”

“Well c’mon, share!” Harry insists, but Liam can’t bring himself to mention that he has a whole bag of them in his suitcase. It’d give it away and if he’s going to admit what he’s done, he’d rather do it face to face with Zayn and not the rest of the band.

“I can’t, Harry. They just show up.”

The boy with the curls isn’t pleased, but he leaves it at that. And all Liam can wonder about is what Zayn does with the notes, if they’re still stuck in the pocket of each of his jeans he’d been wearing the day that Liam had set those candy grams out.

He wants to know, but he doesn’t ask. So instead he settles for video games and junk food while they wait for the day to pass by with every tick of the clock.

x.x.x.x

Liam’s trying to be obvious, but he’s not trying to be obvious.

He wants Zayn to notice, but he doesn’t want him to notice.

Really though, he should stop being so scared and just own up to his feelings for Zayn, but he gets into the habit of writing his emotions down on paper and placing them about in random places for Zayn to find.

Which is how he messes up one day and the wrong person ends up with the chocolate instead.

Liam also makes the mistake of grabbing it out of their hand, so by default he’s just outed himself because everyone knows about the chocolate, and sometimes they tease Zayn about it too.

“You?” Niall says.

Thank god it’s Niall, because although Liam thinks Niall is just Niall, it’s the fact that Niall is only Niall and understands the importance of friendship and boundaries and making ones choices instead of having an opinion on every single fucking think someone does.

Liam’s lips thin, and he tucks the kiss away into the pocket of his jacket.

“Don’t tell,” he pleads, and Niall only nods.

“Okay.”

Thankfully, he doesn’t bring it up again and in fact, Liam notices that anytime someone else comes in contact with his candies other than Zayn, Niall’s the first one up and slipping it out of sight, only for Liam to find it again in his suitcase, safe and sound.

It helps knowing someone’s on his side.

x.x.x.x

“What if you get caught?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

“I caught you. Well, you gave yourself away, but still.”

Liam doesn’t know what to do.

Actually, that’s a lie. He does know what to do, but this is fun, kinda, and it’s easier to share his feelings via simple words and candy.

Sometimes he wonders if Zayn ever laughs at any of his writing, not just because he’s had to disguise his handwriting, make it slightly sloppier than normal, but Liam’s never had a way with words, never been smart like Zayn in the way he likes to read books full of different kinds of things, that twist words into vines that grow and make sense to someone who has a passion for the beauty of writing.

He feels dumb all of a sudden. His notes are nothing special, just little reminders for Zayn so he knows that he’s all kinds of beautiful.

Liam wants to tell him, doesn’t want to wait until he gets caught, but he’s hiding behind his actions as a way to hopefully encourage himself for what he feels like will be the inevitable:

Telling Zayn how he feels.

x.x.x.x

So it happens like this really, Liam gets caught.

He doesn’t mean for it to happen because he’d only been talking about not wanting that to happen, not wanting Zayn to find out this way but he does and he’s caught red handed and Zayn just stares and Liam just grapples at meaningless words.

He feels like an apology is on the tip of his tongue, but if there’s one thing that Liam feels like he can control right now, it’s his mouth because he doesn’t necessarily regret watching Zayn’s face light up any time he’s gotten a new little note, nor does he think he’s really done something wrong.

But, well, there’s a lot of things to consider, and a lot of talking between the both of them to figure something out, to find the meaning of whatever this is, if there even is a this-

“Liam, quit thinking so damn hard.”

He clenches his jaw. His mind’s a mess, and all he can think is stupid, Liam, so, so stupid.

Liam waits for the laughter.

He can’t say he’s not surprised when it doesn’t come.

“What does this one say?”

Liam’s never had a fast enough reflex, and Zayn gets to it first. He swears there’s a glint in Zayn’s eyes too, one Liam’s not sure how to interpret.

Zayn takes off the paper and slowly unfolds it.

Liam already knows what it says, and he watches as Zayn’s eyes scan over the paper, reading the words slowly, probably more so to poke fun at Liam and take his sweet ass time rather than him not truly understanding what's written.

_How can something as fragile as a word build the whole world?_

He needs to explain himself.

“And what word is that, Liam?”

Zayn’s voice sounds heavy, lower but he doesn’t look at Liam, not at all. So instead, he panics.

“I’m sorry.” He might cry; there are definitely tears gathering in his eyes and it’s, well, it’s stupid to have this kind of reaction, but this is more than just words, this is  _Zayn_  and what Liam feels for him.

And while Liam’s used to having a spotlight shining down on him for a majority of the time, with all the cameras and stage lights, the one hovering over him now feels like the sun, burning his skin so deeply it makes him want to scratch away at the humiliation he feels.

“Liam, where are you going?” He’s beginning to realize that he’s been stepping away ever so slowly from Zayn to get to the door. He definitely hadn't noticed what he’d been doing, but now that he’s aware, he’d like to leave.

Liam tries to explain, opens his mouth but nothing comes out, and his heart is pounding so hard it feels like it’ll burst out of his chest. His palms are sweaty, and Zayn’s not saying anything.

Only, until Zayn does, but with his movements instead of words.

Suddenly Liam has an armful of Zayn. He’s pushing Liam back until he’s pressed against the wall, and his eyes are most certainly wide. “What are you doing?”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Zayn says tilting his head and looking rather curious albeit even a little… playful? “So it was you this entire time, was it?”

Liam only gains the courage to nod.

A genuine smile spreads across Zayn’s face. It calms Liam down because it’s such an unexpected surprise.

“Love,” he says suddenly, mouth snapping shut once again as soon as the word has finished rolling off the tip of his tongue.

Zayn ends up taking a step back but Liam’s still crowded against the wall. Liam thinks he might be able to make a run for it given the fact that he’s apparently caught Zayn off guard, but then Zayn’s brown orbs are pinning him down with a look that isn’t so innocent.

“Love?”

“Love.” He straightens his back, pushing himself off the wall so that he can stand up straight.

“Since when?” It’s close to a whisper.

“Uh, months maybe?”

Zayn shakes his head. “Bullshit, Liam. You know.”

And now this isn’t fair, being put on the spot like he is but if Zayn’s asking, he’ll be truthful. “It took awhile; it was a process. It just showed up!” He’s slightly frantic because the both of them sharing their feelings is one thing but that’s not happening. Zayn only wants to know about Liam, where he could possibly use all of this against him at a later time.

But that’s wrong to think that because Zayn’s the kind of person who’d probably set Liam straight, tell him he doesn’t feel the same but still remain best mates because Liam can’t lose Zayn, and if Liam’s so bold, he’d say the same about Zayn needing him too.

“Do you want me, Liam?”

He chokes, “W-what?”

“You know I’ve been waiting for this day, dreamed of telling you and now it’s here and we’re acting like idiots.” There’s a fondness in his tone, and it gives Liam hope in a place he’d managed to lock away months ago, believing that he’d been kidding himself at the prospect of Zayn wanting him too.

“Are you telling me we’ve both had feelings for one another…” Liam pauses and runs a hand through his hair from his nervousness, “and we’re just now figuring this out?”

Zayn gives him a lop-sided smile. “I liked them, you know. The notes.”

And Liam knows his cheeks are so flushed red that it just might become permanent. “They’re not, I mean, they aren’t anything special, Zayn.”

“Of course they are, Liam,” Zayn insists. He gives him a look of disapproval and it jars Liam to say what he really feels.

“You spend your time with your literature, and I tried-”

But Zayn cuts him off quickly because he’s not having any of Liam’s modesty. “Nothing’s as great as a boy who’s  _alive_ , wanting to share his feelings at that.”

And Liam can’t resist after that statement because it’s practically an open invitation to pull Zayn close to him and kiss him hard on the mouth. He doesn’t bother about being polite or kind like he normally is because this is Zayn, and he somehow always understands.

“I want you,” Liam admits as he pulls back. He’s not as shy as before, especially after the fact that he’d spent days, months even, worrying about something the both of them had been feeling all along.

“Good.”

Liam’s used to being in control too and when he’d joined One Direction, that had made him loosen up in so many ways. With their schedule structured and living with four maniacs Liam wasn’t sure he’d grow to like, has taught him more than he could’ve ever possible known.

The thing is, Zayn always manages to surprise him, especially now as he tugs on Liam’s shirt, clearly wanting him on the bed and taking over Liam's efforts. He’s a bit dangerous now, unpredictable. Liam knows where this is going, and isn’t afraid of it either because he can see that Zayn just wants it too and for that very reason, there’s no need to be scared.

Only thrilled.

Liam manages to remove his shirt before his back hits the mattress. Zayn wastes no time climbing on top of him, and Liam thinks he’s going in for another kiss on the lips but instead Zayn diverts his attention to Liam’s neck, where his birthmark is. His tongue dances away at the skin, taking it’s time to trail down to his collar bone and even lower to one of Liam’s nipples. His mouth is warm against the skin, heat building and only making Liam harder with every nip and bite Zayn gives.

Soon though, Liam whines, tugging on the end of Zayn’s hair at the nape of his neck until Zayn gives up and continues on down Liam’s body. He’d like to completely memorize it at some point, but his pants are awfully tight, and he’d like Liam in his mouth.

“Do you want me to suck you down and make you feel good?” Zayn asks. His lips are pressed against Liam’s hips, just above his pants where Zayn is unbuttoning them before unzipping them so Liam can kick them off.

Liam can only swallow down his words when Zayn looks up at him through his eyelashes.

“Or would you like me to fuck you?”

“Oh god,” Liam says, letting out a shaking breath.

Zayn only hums and lifts himself up, helping Liam off with the rest of his clothes before his up off the bed, standing before Liam and stripping down.

It’s not the first time Liam’s seen Zayn naked. Living with a group of guys, well, there’s only so much personal space, and he’d be lying if Liam hadn’t thought about wrapping his lips around Zayn’s member.

But as much as he likes that thought right now, he’s noticed that Zayn’s nowhere near the bed and is instead rooting around in his suitcase for something until he finds it and presents it to Liam.

“Always,” he says.

“Really?”

“You never know.”

And then he’s got Liam’s ankle in his hand, helping him to spread his legs - which Liam does so willingly anyway - while trying his best to uncap the lube.

“It’ll be cold.”

But Liam doesn’t mind, not really. He’d just like something to happen now. His cock is red and he reasons on whether or not he should touch himself if Zayn doesn’t hurry up.

“Oh.” Zayn definitely does more than touch him. His finger, slathered with lube, circles Liam’s hole, where he clenches tightly until Zayn’s rubbing soothing circles with his other hand resting against Liam's right leg.

“Relax.” His voice is smooth, and Liam takes a deep breath. He’s done this before though not often enough, but he doesn’t panic as much as he thought he would’ve.

Zayn works him with one finger until he thinks he’s ready for another and when the second digit enters Liam’s body, he’s too busy gripping at the sheets while Zayn looks on with a smirk.

He doesn’t take it farther than that though, not yet at least. Instead, Zayn bends his head down and takes the tip of Liam’s cock into his mouth. It manages to bring out a noise in Liam Zayn’s never heard before, and he’s quite intrigued. So he sucks down another inch or two, wiggles his fingers until Liam’s eyebrows are knitted together, trying his best not to make a sound.

“Zayn, c’mon, just…”

Zayn only hums and adds another finger which causes Liam to grind down against them at the fullness he feels which he’ll soon learn isn’t much considering Zayn’s a decent size, and he has yet to fully take him.

Zayn manages to suck him down another couple of inches before he’s pulling off. His lips, as nice as they were dry, are downright gorgeous covered in Liam’s precum, and before Liam’s able to ask him to press their mouths together, Zayn’s pulling his fingers out of Liam and wrapping them around his own dick for a few tugs.

It’s quite fascinating to watch, the way Zayn sits back on his legs, staring down at Liam from his heightened position. Liam’s sure if he had the ability to tear his gaze away from Zayn’s eyes and his dick sliding in and out of the fist Zayn’s made around it, he’d be able to wrap his own fingers around his prick, both jacking off to one another without touching.

“Are you okay, Liam?”

“Yeah,” he admits when he finally watches as Zayn lets go of himself to grab the condom to slide over his dick. He then, accidentally, makes a mess with the lube, but none of the matters as he aligns himself up with Liam’s hole, resting his body just over Liam’s.

“You ready?”

Liam is and all it takes is for him to wrap one of his legs around the other boy's frame before Zayn’s reaching down and guiding himself into Liam’s lube-slicked hole.

It’s tight and slightly painful, not used to the amount he’s taking right now. And oh how Liam’ll probably regret it, most definitely so when his arse hurts in the morning, and he’s forced to walk with a limp, but it’ll be worth it. So damn worth it to have Zayn the main cause for his pleasure slash pain.

When Zayn is fully seated, he gives Liam a moment to adjust until he’s ready for Zayn to move. And when he gives the all the clear, Zayn pulls back his hips and thrusts forward for the first time, and Liam knows that he’s going to be taken care of.

Zayn’s not overly rough but he’s not gentle either. It’s a happy medium that makes Liam’s toes curl and nerves spazz with the sudden pleasure. They move in their own rhythm, caught up with one another and nothing else.

It’s a peaceful almost-silence, filled with the occasional groans and  _right there, that’s it_  to  _fuck, yes_  that edges the both of them closer to what they both know is waiting for them. It’s a high, and it’s their first time together, and as Liam opens his eyes and meets Zayn’s gaze, he realizes he wouldn’t want it any other way.

Zayn eventually grabs at one of Liam’s legs, bending it at the knee in order to bring himself that much closer to Liam, if not deeper. Liam feels it though, doesn’t waste a moment letting Zayn know that he’s found those nerves that make him sing a different tune. Zayn only gets more determined with his hips, skin slapping together while Liam’s muscles squeeze around him.

They both kiss and bite and lick and claw at one another’s skin just to feel close, and when Liam feels Zayn’s hand slide down between their bodies to wrap around his dick, he bucks up into him not having realized just how much he’d been aching.

Zayn’s fingers feel amazing against his heated flesh, all cool and quick. They tug and make Liam gasp while Zayn has the pleasure of watching it all.

“You gettin’ close?” Zayn whispers against the skin of Liam’s jaw, pressing light kisses in between his movements.

“Yes,” Liam says, the word mixed in with a sigh. He tightens his hands around Zayn’s waist when he feels like his orgasm is drawing close, both of their movements taking on something between lazy and drawn out.

It’s Zayn’s way of being a tease, but he doesn’t quit until he’s sure he’s able to get Liam to say his name, hear the way it sounds while he’s buried deep within him.

“Shit, Zayn,” he moans. “Zayn.  _Zayn_.” And that’s all it takes for Liam to spill over into Zayn’s hand, leaning up to connect their lips as Zayn keeps thrusting. His movements continue to be spastic and jerky, but Liam knows he’s on the verge of cumming because Zayn keeps removing his mouth from Liam’s to bite at his lower lip, to moan out Liam’s name until he pushes forward one more time and cums.

They’re breathless, both falling from their high of feel-good emotions and body pleasure the both of them participated in. Liam doesn’t let his mouth leave Zayn’s body, especially since Zayn stays where he is, on top of Liam to try and regain some semblance of his mind.

They’re both so raw and Liam never thought he’d get to see this, doesn’t know if Zayn wants this again, but then Zayn pulls out, leaving Liam to hiss at his sensitivity, Zayn looking concerned until Liam shakes his head while managing to muster up a smile, and only then does Zayn move his hand up, curl it around the side of Liam’s neck and into his hair to bring his head forward in another searing kiss that answers all of Liam’s questions and slays all doubts.

When Zayn pulls back, his eyes are bright and crinkled at the side from happiness, “You’re gorgeous,” he says, and Liam snorts.

“You should take a look at yourself.” But Zayn’s having none of it because as much as Liam likes the taste of Zayn’s skin, as sweaty at it may be, it doesn’t compare to the way Zayn likes to dominate his mouth and bite at Liam’s lip.

If he keeps it up, Liam knows he’ll be up for round two soon.

“You good?” Zayn asks, maneuvering himself to Liam’s side so he can lie on the bed.

“I’m fantastic.”

Zayn smiles down at Liam. His hair is sweaty and clinging to his forehead but his eyes sparkle in such a way that Zayn’s only seen once before, and that’s the first time they’d truly made it in the business, when they’d had their first sold-out concert and none of the boys could actually believe it.

“We’ll have to talk about this later,” he admits. “You know,  _us_.”

But Liam doesn’t mind. “Exactly,  _later_.” And leans forward to kiss Zayn - something he's found to be rather fond of - before flipping Zayn over onto his back so that Liam has the upper hand. “Now it’s my turn.” He grins.

Zayn’s happy too, at the prospect of seeing this side of Liam and the fact that he’d been waiting a long time for this too.

“Perfect.”


End file.
